Here in the United States Soccer (that’s Football for my European friends) is struggling to break into the sports mainstream, so in honor of the MLS Cup this weekend I have compiled five of the coolest, craziest, and perhaps most insane ways to spice up the game to make it appeal to Americans.

Thai Elephant Soccer

In Thailand they make sure that even the largest of animals gets to take part in this great sport. If we can just convince PETA that the elephants really do enjoy playing the game, perhaps this variation has a chance in the US.

Even God Plays Every Now and Then

What happens when God himself shows up to the match? It’s too bad he has to pick on little kids, although the initial scouting report suggests that he might just be good enough to make Manchester United's reserve squad.

Robot Soccer

Although I’m not sure any Japanese human or non-human can play the game salsa style, but these robots are pretty freaking cool. Perhaps they play a tad dirty, but it’s hard enough to find a decent human referee, what chance does a robot have of calling a clean game?

Ice Soccer

Those crazy Germans will just never understand Americans. First they try to sell us cars without cup holders, then they combine our two least popular sports for what they are sure will be a huge success!

Top Gear

Finally saving the best for last, the British television show Top Gear (one of the very few British programs that made it across the pond unscathed) combined two of their passions, cars and football. This world class match between the Czech Republic and Brazil is complete with slide tackles, free kicks at the wall, amazing crosses, breakaways, and full contact action.